The really BIG Crazy

I'm not quite sure what this says about me, but I do best with the really big kinds of crazy.  Not that I like dealing with them, but I can handle the big deals better than I can the everyday crazy in life.  In situations like when my dad died or when they put my 6 month old in the hospital for 5 days.  I got this.  I don't know if God made me that way because of all the crazy in my life, and someone has to deal with it , or if he has a bigger plan for that.  Now the everyday crazy mess of life I don't know what to do with.  My little one doesn't feel well, she cutting teeth, just the 3s, and last night was the first night of 3 in a row that my husband will not be home until late (after we are all in bed late).  Right now I am fine, better than I usually would be, but that is not the norm.  It is not my strong suit.  The kind of crazy where everyone else is a mess and I can take charge and handle it is what I'm good at.  I think it is like what I was talking about at church I have a control problem.  I like to feel like I am handling things.  With the little stuff there is no handling, it is what it is.  With the big stuff I can handle it I can take care of everyone else.  I can take the mom role just like I always do no matter who the other parties are.  For someone who has been "the adult" or even "the mom" figure for so long, way before I was a mom or even an adult it is hard to give up that control, especially when you sometimes feel like thats all that you have.  Sometimes I feel like my self worth is defined by what I can handle and what I can deal with.  I try to stop and remind myself just like my husband knew well and good what he was getting into before we got married because we had been together 7 1/2 years at that point, God knew.  God knew long before I was born what kind of person I was going to be and he made me that way.  Despite all of my flaws and sometimes because of them He loves me.  I read this in my bible reading last night and it hit home -1 Samuel 16:7-But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” God looks at the parts of me that no one can see. -Psalm 139:13-15 -For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  God was the one that decided to make me this way and that doesn't mean that I don't need to change, but it does mean that there was a reason and He always loves me.