My journey surprises even me

I'm not going to lie I started today the with the best of intentions about how I want to start this new year with an attitude.  I was so hopeful after asking God to soften my heart.  And I failed.  I failed hard.  Honestly I don't know that I have any sagely advice or pretty words even for myself this evening.   I know that as soon as I can get my oldest to actually go to sleep I will go to my room and pray to God again tonight to change my heart.  The world is not changing I will always have to deal with the great sadness that can come with working with teenagers, my coworkers that usually have the best of intentions anyway, my husband again with his good intentions but not always so much with the follow through, and my children whom I love so much but they are trying.  To make me the bigger and the better person.  The person who thinks when she gets started that she has nothing positive to say, nothing encouraging.  I guess even though I failed today God has been doing more work in my life than even I realized.  Just saying these words I realize that even though I have so far to go I have come so far.  I have gotten to a place where I know I cannot do this by myself and the only way that I am going to grow and the only way for me to get through is to ask God.  Asking Him to change my heart and soften it to the good and the beautiful so that I don't get so frustrated and maybe so I am not quite so hard on myself.