Ecclesiastes 3:1- There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven.
Life is ever changing. Nothing stays the same for long and that is the way that it has to be I guess for the waters of life to not get stagnant. My life is changing right now like the seasons are changing from spring to fall. Just like with the coming of fall there are some wonderful things like cooler weather and football, but there are also some things that you lose. You lose the bloom of some of the plants and flowers and some people will miss the warmth. There are good things and bad with the change of every season.
I feel like all of a sudden over the weekend I have lost my baby. She hasn't been sleeping in a crib for a while now. About two weeks ago she started sleeping through the night fairly regularly. Then yesterday she adamantly refused to eat in her high chair. She loves to sit in chairs and can even climb on the couch now. She is only 14 months old!. I know that there are so many more firsts yet to come, but I feel like all I can think about are my lasts. Have I put my last baby in a crib? Have I fed my last baby bottle. I think that the lasts with my first were so much easier because I knew that she wouldn't be my only child. But now with everything that I have been through I am pretty sure that I have had my last pregnancy, and my last newborn. I feel like every day is one more last thing. I just wish time would slow down for a minute. I feel like particularly during football season I am so busy that I do not even get to savor any of these last moments of my last baby. They grow so fast that sometimes I feel like I can't even catch my breath and I know that this is the way that it is. I know that I am not alone in feeling these things, but it has hit so hard all of a sudden and I haven't had time to wrap my head around it. I know that a new season is coming and from the experiences that I had with my three year old I know that this is a wonderful and delightful time as my baby starts developing into a little person before my eyes. And I know that it also means the end for some things that I will not be sad to see go like the numerous times I will have to get up at night (which is a much bigger deal when your first was 1 and your second was 14 months when they slept through the night).
I feel like this is also changing my identity too. I am no longer the mother of a newborn and never will be. So much of my identity these days comes from being a mother to my two girls and as they go through the seasons of life my identity as a mother goes through seasons. I know that God has plans for me and for my girls. This is all part of His plan, but that does not keep me from being a little sad about it. It does not keep me from feeling a little extra emotional the past couple of days or a little extra nostalgic. But one thing that it makes me want to do is to put the brakes on at least at home so that I can at least try to savor all the lasts that I have left and appreciate some more of the firsts that I know are still left to come. God blessed me with these babies and I do not get to keep them forever so I need to enjoy them as much as I can while I have them. I don't want this to be one of my regrets in life. So even if I am a little sad I will hug a little tighter and stare a little longer just to savor every last minute I can.
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