You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before,and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit! Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
He began talking about some people might be angry or uncomfortable at the thought of being under constant surveillance, but it was all about perspective some will be comforted by that thought. I am not only comforted by that thought honestly I feel liberated by it. To know that God knows me so intimately that there is nothing that I can hide from Him no matter how hard I try is such a freeing thought. If God already knows all the ugly in my life and in my heart, the words that I have yet to think or feel or speak then why do I need to try to hide them from anyone. Why do I need to try to be prefect for the world when God already knows about all of my imperfections. If God is still going to love me no matter all the UGLY things in my life then I do not need to be worried about anyone else. One of my all time favorite bible verses is verse 13 where is says that God knit us together in the womb. I think that being a mother has made this even more special to me. Then it goes on to talk about that God knew exactly what was happening when I was made and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. Sometimes on the bad days (even though it is nice to hear on the good ones too) I have to remind myself that God does not make mistakes and He is the one who made me the way that I am. I am not saying that God does not want me to work on some things in my life there are plenty of those. But the core of who I am is exactly who I am supposed to be and one day God will use it for His purpose. There is a reason for this big mouth, this hard head, and this need to be in charge and control things. Some people may see those as my flaws, and in certain situations they can be, but God has given me these traits for a reason. If only I could stay on the right track and let Him use those qualities in the right way. But all you can do is try a little bit harder everyday. After hearing what the preacher had to say this morning it was another one of those moments that affirmed for me wholeheartedly that God sees me and He knows what I need. He sees me trying. He loves me no matter what and every time I stray whether it be a lot or a little He is still right there for me if I ask. That may be the only thing that I have learned from the Old Testament so far, but I feel like its a big one. It may have been through someone else, but I know that God was talking to me this morning.
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