Memory Lane

Lately I've spent a great deal of time traveling down memory lane.  I'm not sure what has made me so introspective as of late it is probably some combination of my baby girl being sick, my oldest starting to plan her 4th birthday party(and when did four get so old), and the fact that my 30th birthday is right around the corner.  I am not in the middle of a mid life crisis, I promise.  So far this trip down memory lane has been good and I think I had forgotten that sometimes it could be a good and beautiful thing.  It has been overshadowed by so many hurts for so long.  I've been remembering some good and funny times with my dad as a child.  Like when he would try and do my hair and my little sisters until I was old enough to do both of ours.  His love for fireworks.  The way his nature seemed to completely change when he was with the two of us.  He was different with us that everyone else.  It was like the grizzly turned into a teddy.  One of my students sparked the memory of when my hubby gave me my promise ring before I off and left him for college.  Reminiscing about what it felt like for three small town kids who graduated together in a class of about 80 to ban together at the big university to take on the world.  And man all the feelings of being pregnant the first time and then bringing that baby girl home with me.  Then all the faker and celebrations that came with my second pregnancy.   Sometimes it's good to remember, even when it's hard to forget.  Sometimes I get so trapped in all the things I've had to push through that I never just stop to smell the roses and remember that there were some beautiful moments in there too that helped to make me who I am.  Even the Phoenix who rises up from the ashes didn't have all bad days.  I think that particularly with all that is going on in the world and in my life it is even more important to stop every once and a while sip the hot chocolate and remember.  Not to get stuck in the past, but to remind myself that no matter how hard things may seem there is always beauty there.  Look for the beauty and savor it.  Memory lane is a two way street and tonight I'm walking on he sunny side of it.