My grace

I've been hearing a lot about grace lately.  I read about in a book I was reading, the pastor preached about it Sunday, I keep hearing songs about it on the radio, and I even read a blog post about it this week.  This is a super busy week for me and I have way too much going on for me to even fathom, but looking at myself in the mirror at almost 9 o'clock I had a revelation and it was so big I had trouble sleeping last night.  In his sermon the pastor talked about how all grace is His grace.  That it all comes from God.  I am not disputing that, but I do think that sometimes grace comes directly from God and sometimes the path of God's grace is a little more indirect.  I think that we can give a portion of the grace that God has given to us to others.  We can show others the great power of God's love through the grace that we show others.  I also believe that any grace we show others we on,u have because God gave it to us to share.   I am a very self aware individual I have many flaws and I know what they are.  I know how hard I can be to get along with.  I also know that I have strengths and attributes.  Now I will admit that I tend to be much harder on myself than I need to be.  Also I have always had a lot to compare myself to.  I have four sisters.  I have never felt like I was the pretty one.  I have never felt like I was the personable one.  I am smart, but so are the rest of my sisters.  Girls are about comparisons.  Then I found myself looking in the mirror with my big crazy hair, my dark circles, the extra weight I never managed to lose after #2, and a full days exhaustion, and I saw something that I had not seen in a very long time.  There was some beauty in that face.  I have never been particularly fond of my own looks, but I don't know if it was seeing all the memories of my father in that face, seeing the beauty of being a mother finally, or if it just had to do with finally giving myself a break.   I am my own worst critic and I never feel good enough at any of the thing that I am trying to accomplish, but in that moment it was different.  What I realized is I've got to give myself a break.  I've got to let myself have some of that grace God is trying so desperately to give me. The preacher commented on how we can be perfect for now.  Perfect at this stage.  I don't know if I will ever wrap my head around that, but I think I can come to term with being what's needed.  I am the mother that my girls need right and God willing as they need something else I can be that too.  I am the teacher that at least one of my students needs right now.   And that doesn't always mean that it has to be good or easy.  My new revelation was put to the test this morning.  I had crying and tantrum throwing left and right while my dear hubby was not here.  At one point I had to just put my three year old in her room to cry, but when I stopped and took a breath I gave myself a little grace.  It stopped me from that old trap of telling myself I was a terrible mother.  I was the mother she needed right then even if that meant she had to cry for a little bit.  Whether you want to call it giving yourself a little bit of grace or just letting you have the grace God is trying to give you it is the same sentiment and it comes from the same source.  It may not work for me every day, but for today it not only worked, it was profound.  And it makes me want to ask when was the last time you gave yourself a little grace?