Being a Martha

I'm reading a new book for the new year.  Fresh out of Amazing by Stacey Thacker.  I think that title pretty much sums up how I feel about the job I have been doing recently.  I am just fresh out of amazing and that seems to be what everyone expects of me.  I still have this renewed sense of peace that God has blessed with me for the past couple of weeks, but I can still feel so,e things brewing under there.  Particularly in moments like the one I had earlier today when my 1 1/2 year old would quit crying and screaming and all she's wanted for two or three days is for me to hold her (which is great for a little while), but I got to the point where I just literally threw my hands up and screamed back at her that I didn't know what she wanted from me.  I felt like I had nothing left to give.  In my book tonight I just finished chapter two about being a Martha and boy did that hit home for me.  We all read about her in the Bible and see how busy she was taking care of the house too busy to spend time with Jesus, but how often do we stop to take the time to think about how she must have been feeling?  She was so stressed and anxious about taking care of everyone in her house that she couldn't even stop to enjoy the company of Jesus the thing she needed more than anything.  Reading about Martha with this perspective made me stop and think about how often that's me.  I started taking care of people at a young age.  Starting in fourth or fifth grade I was the one in charge of keeping up with my younger sister after school and most nights if we wanted to eat I was also in charge of dinner.  My mom worker late and my older sisters had jobs and other stuff so that was my job.  I feel like I have been doing it ever since.  In life it is so easy to stress about the small stuff.  Like yesterday we had friends come over for New Year's Eve.  I spent most of the day cooking and getting ready and I was a ball of anxiety.  About an hour before people started showing up I was a complete crazy lady.  Trying to get my hubby to feed the girls.  Trying to finish cooking.  Worrying if there would be enough food.  Would anyone like my food anyway?  Was my house clean enough?  Would my children tone down their crazy in front of company?  Like I said complete crazy lady.  I think Martha felt like that.  I love to have people over and I love to take care of people.  I have been a nurturer for so long sometimes I feel like it's one of the only things that I am good at.  Of course sometimes I feel like I'm not even good at that.  It is so easy to get caught up in these moments of life that we don't make time for Jesus or serve others in the ways that He desires (not in the ways we desire).  I a man hoping that in reading this book I will learn how to tone down my crazy lady and to seek God first.  Nurturing is a beautiful thing, but just imagine how much better it could be if we chose to seek God first and not give in to the inner crazy lady.