Putting in the work.

I've been thinking about this one for a long time.  First I was trying to decide what to say, then how to say it, and most recently trying to just find the time to sit down and say it.  Sometimes I feel like such a negative Nancy.  Like my struggles are the only things I have to talk about.  But maybe that's ok, maybe it's how I come out the other side of them that really matters.  Again the past couple weeks before this week have been a real struggle.  It was the last two weeks before Christmas break and my kids at home and at school were crazy.  Also football season was still going on.  We made it to the state championship game in a year where football season had to be extended two weeks for hurricane Matthew.  And I still feel like this journey of my faith is still in its infancy.  I was at my wits end.  I felt like I was doing everything that I was supposed to do, but things event getting any easier and I didn't know what to do.  I was praying harder than ever (which shows how far I have come).  God I don't know what to do or how to do.  All I know is that I really need to feel your presence right now.  This reminds me of the passage in Romans we just studied at church.  Romans 8:26-30 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirithimself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

I did not know what I needed I didn't have a clue what to pray for, but I was patient (because I didn't know what else to do) and daily I would pray variations of that same prayer for at least a week.  Then one day last week they played two of my favorite songs on the radio back to back both about having faith; Eye of the Storm and King of the World.  That right there got my attention.  I could feel a peace come over me, but it's like I knew I was supposed to get something more out of it than that.  I am ever thankful for a God that understands me better than I know myself.  I'm not sure if it's because I a, so early in this big journey or if it's just who I am but He knows that I need bright neon signs or I have no idea what the message is.  One of those motivational messages came on the radio right after those songs and I knew it was for me.  I don't remember the exact words but the gist was that one of the biggest reasons why we tend to lose faith is because the second we start putting in the work we expect things to be different and that's not always how that works.  Yes there are immediate changes, but some of the changes only come with time after putting in some serious work for a while.  I realized that I was doing one of the very things that I get so frustrated with my students for.  As soon as they start putting in more effort in my class they expect their grade to skyrocket to reflect their new found effort, but that's not how it works.  That's not how this works either.  I may have been doing some good things like trying to read my bible all the way through for the first time (I started in Genesis and have made it through Mark so far), my prayer life has increased greatly, and we as a family have become active in a church.    I thought that because I was doing all of these things that my relationship with God should be so much better and stronger and it should be easier to keep the faith.  Anyone who is in or has been in a successful relationship knows that is takes work and nothing good happens over night.  All of these things that I'm doing are good and I should keep doing them because putting in the work is the on,y way to make this relationship flourish.  By not having these unrealistic expectations about where I should be in my relationship with Christ beautiful things have happened.  I have been given such a sense of peace, at least about this, and I feel like it is so much easier to keep my faith.  Just like it says in those verses God works for the good of those who love Him.  Some of us may not be as difficult, but God already knew I was going to be this way and He has plans for me.