All of the EMOTIONS

This may be a little scattered, but there are some many emotions running through my head and my heart.
I've spent a great deal of time talking about my children and the blessing of children in general in preparation for my girls' baptism next week.  I have always know that I have wanted to be a mom with a huge family.  I don't know if it is because I came from a large family, five girls and two boys; or if God was preparing me early for the career path that my life would take. It may have even had to do with the mothering roles that I had to take very early in life particularly with my younger sister, or even my friends. Its all related.  God has plans and they are not always what we think that they are going to be or even what we want them to be.  It looks like God's plan is for me to have these two precious girls not the huge brood always in my mind, maybe this is his way of leaving more of my heart open to the children I encounter everyday at work.  My two precious gifts are God's greatest blessing to me.  No matter how much I may struggle, and this week with football camp it may be a lot, it will never change the fact that I cannot look at one of their sleeping faces without feeling how precious this cargo is that God has entrusted me with.  I just hope that with some help I can do them the justice that they deserve.
Church this morning was a very emotional experience.  I come from a family that does not really talk about whats going on inside it or what we've been through.  Im trying to break that cycle but sometimes it seems like the less I know people the easier it is to reveal the struggles that I have been through.  I also have recently had a revelation that I am very good at appearing to be open with people, probably because they do not know me as well, yet I don't actually tell anyone the important stuff.  The feelings behind it are so much harder to talk about, the personal hurts are so much harder to share.  We have all been through them, but its so hard to strip your heart bare and reveal all of these emotions.  We heard a very touching and inspiring testimony this morning that strikes very close to some of the hurts in my family.  It also struck me how vulnerable she was willing to be to not only talk about the hard things in life but the feelings.  She laid it all out there for us through her strength and her commitment to the Lord.  I am hoping to learn from that.  Another emotional moment at church came when I learned people are paying a lot more attention to me and my life than I thought.  One thing that I have experienced since we, as a family, started attending this church is that there are people who don't even know you who are willing to love you and pray for you.  Celebrating the good times and supporting you in the hard times.
For a long time I have been one of those people who kept my emotions very tight to the vest.  It seems that little by little God has been preparing me to shed that.  I have never been much of a crier, it just never was part of my personality.  With the birth and life of both of my babies and with the death of my father that has started to change.  I don't tend to bust out crying at the drop of a hat, but I have been watering a lot more lately and church this morning was no exceptions.  I think this is just to show me that God is preparing my heart for something, though I am not sure what.  I guess that I will just have to wait and see why this is the journey that I must walk and where it is taking me.