First of all today is Wed. and I have been sick since last Sunday. Since then I have had four dr. visits just for this. Two different kinds of antibiotics. I have been on oral steroids and today I even got a shot. I have also had so many test; flu, strep, x-rays, and a CT scan. It is all sinus related and I have had pressure on the left side of my face and no voice since last Wed. Today when I stood in that dr. office and she told me that they wanted me to stay out of work at least for the rest of the week, while I knew that I had 0 sick days when I started this week, I just broke down in the office and cried. God bless those sweet ladies who were so kind and have worked so hard tending to me and trying to expedite my referral. I could tell by their faces that they actually felt for me as I stood in that office and cried while I tried to explain to them that I didn't know what I wanted them to do. On the one hand I have no sick days on the other this is pretty uncomfortable and its really hard to teach when you have next to no voice. It touched my heart to see those ladies who don't know me but have seen my struggle in the past week or so actually care about my concerns. After some tears and some angry and frustrated moments I came to peace with it. It is what it is and we will deal with it. God hasn't failed me yet and He won't fail me now
After getting home from my epic adventure today I got some news that I knew was coming eventually, but I did not expect so soon and I felt very emotional just as I knew I would. Today I found out that my boss is retiring. This has been my ninth year in education and I have spent all of those years in one school working under one principal. This is the man who took a chance on me at 22 with no experience and gave me this job that I still have today. It is so much more than that. Even though I have never worked under another principal I know that I have had one of the best. For any of you who don't know this is a hard profession to be in and honestly if I had worked for anyone less than he I don't know if I would still be in this job. I know that God led me to this job for a reason, but without the support and kindness of this man in all the various situations that have arisen over the years I think I would have given up by now. The summer after my first year teaching he showed up to my wedding. He would later give my husband the same chance that he had given me, to work with our kids. There have been some hard times when he had to tell me some hard things to hear and when we had to wade through some difficult situations together. But that's the point I always felt like we were together. There have also been some great moments. I don't think that I will ever forget the face that he made when I walked in his office out of the blue to tell him that I was pregnant with my oldest (I thought he might fall out of his chair, but that may have been my blunt delivery). Every tough time and personal struggle that I have been through in the nine years that we have worked together I knew that he was truly concerned about me. When he told me to go home and do exactly as the dr. told me to today I knew that he said that because he genuinely cares about me as part of his staff. I know that I am going to miss his guidance immeasurably when I have to walk those halls without him. But I also know that as long as I am a part of this profession lessons that he4 has taught me will stay with me. Lessons about how to have honor in our profession and how to care for others.
I know that this too is a part of God's plan and I will probably shed a tear or two as I fret about what is to come, but I know that God's got this.
And though all this I have learned some things about reliance. Reliance doesn't mean that I may not shed a few tears now and again (I think I only cried two or three times today). Reliance does not always come first, but that doesn't mean that I can't get to the relying part. I may still be working on the fully relying part, but I am a work in progress.
Pslam 73
21 When my heart was embittered And I was pierced within, 22 Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. 23Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. 24 With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. 26 My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
I know that God will provide He always has and He is the only one who will never let me down. I know that God has a plan and this is all a part of it. I can't tell you why these things have happened the way that they have and I probably never will, but someone needs these events to happen just they way they are unfolding. That is sometimes the hardest part of relying on God. Trusting without knowing His plan. I just try to remind myself that His plan has got to be so much better than mine anyway.
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