Motherhood and Changes

Ive had a lot on my heart lately that needs to be said, but I haven't known exactly how to say it, or even had the time.  Here goes something.
I have to believe that God knows.  That God knew even before it happened that motherhood would change me for the best in more ways than I could ever realize.  Being a mother has slowly changed my heart and made me a better person.  With Mother's Day approaching and having just celebrated the fourth birthday of my oldest child it's got me thinking and feeling nostalgic.  And I've come to the conclusion that this was a turning point for me, one I never even noticed.  It's what put me on this path.  I have to think that God knew motherhood would open my heart, that it would teach me to love when I've never really been sure I knew how or that I even deserved it.  When I was fourteen years old and I started stepping away from my walk with God I have to believe that he knew even then that motherhood would eventually be what made enough of a difference to send me running back with open arms.  Slowly but surely being a mom has opened up my heart and made me more sympathetic and capable of love.  That or it made it a lot harder to hide behind my sarcasm and pretend I don't feel.  Motherhood is what showed me that I can't do this by myself so I should quit trying and it keeps proving that to me over and over again.  And it showed me that deserving or not He loves us all.  I feel like I have understood love so much more from the instant that baby girl was born not breathing and no one would tell me anything while I bled on the floor.  I have to believe that God put me on this path.  He didn't make these decisions for me, but he knew what I would choose and He put me on this path to get me back.  And how special does that make me feel?  It also lets me know that all this happened for a reason and I wonder what's in store for me next?  What does he need me to do?