Last June

There is so much to say and I’m not sure that I know how to say it.  Last June I had a stroke.  And ever since then things have been hard, I mean really hard.  Last June while we were on vacation with three other families I had a stroke.  It was pretty scary.  I remember being in my car and then I don’t remember anything.  It was only a minute or less that I don’t remember, but what follows was the scary part for me.  I had the sense to get my car out of the road and I called my husband while some very nice lady tried to tell me not to move my car.  When I called my husband I didn’t make much sense.  I muttered a lot of words.  I eventually got the back up I hoped for.  There they came, I think there were two cars.  I remember sitting on the ground crying while I didn’t understand what was going on.  Watching Kristi take my scared kids away in her van was one of scariest moments of my life.  I remember them telling me something to the effect of I had to get on the ambulance.  I cried knowing how much money that was going to be, I had no idea.  They took me to the hospital and I remember getting into it with a nurse or a doctor curling up in a chair in the corner of the room.  They eventually got me to sit in the bed and that’s all I remember.  I don’t remember much for the next day, after that it’s just bits and pieces.  I remember one dr. coming in to talk to us.  I remember the guy who came in to see whether I needed any therapy.  I remember going back to the beach house and spending the night.  And bits and pieces of the next day when we went home.  I don’t remember much from the summer or football season.  To tell the truth I don’t remember much of anything from anytime.  I feel like I am stuck in this space that no one understands.  My stroke did not affect any of my long term memories and for that I am so lucky.  I feel like I am stuck in this spot where I don’t know much of anything.